All Over Again
by SmilySolly
Summary: "What the hell was she doing? She rejected him as no man has ever been rejected then now she holds his face between her warm hands and calls him James, trying to re-reject him but softly?"Lily's life was shattered & only then did she fall in love with James, but he had to oblivate that summer for her own sake, even if it meant he should make her fall in love with him all over again
1. Chapter 1

**_Epilogue_**

**I wanted to write a good J/L story, a one that would linger in the readers' memory the same way a few of what I've read lingered in mine. So, I'm writing this for the fans who love James and Lily and are looking for satisfaction, the same way I've always looked.**

**If you have any idea in mind, a direction you'd love to see the story going towards, I'd be more than glad to try to do so.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own James Potter or any of the characters except for a few obvious ones and Sirius Black is, unfortunately, not in love with me. He doesn't even know I exist. Rephrase: he doesn't even exist.**

* * *

"That's enough, Potter. That's more than enough."

"Look, Lily, I didn't mean to-"

"You almost KILLED the poor boy! Listen to this, Potter , I can't take _any_ of you. I am not gonna date you, I'll never date you ever in my whole miserable life. I got sick of your silly pranks and your incessant badgering and non-stop invitations to go out with you. I can't take this any longer!"

Lily almost broke down right in the middle of the hollow corridor they were in. It was their last week in their 6th year at Hogwarts and the castle was full of chattering and laughs. Another year had past, getting them closer to adulthood and to a future full of endless possibilities. Footsteps echoed, stories were shared, tears were shed and promises of meeting up again were made. It seemed like Lily and James, at that moment, did not belong to that outsider world. The universe seemed to stop expanding and somehow collapsed on both of them, filling their chests with its whole weight, lifting all the concern and worry from the world and spilling it right into their hearts. The sounds in the castle slowly faded away, leaving their hitched beats take all over their consciousness.

"I am sorry, Lily" James tried again, it seemed like this time the damage was irreversible and irreparable. His voice quivered a bit and he tried to control it, he was never that afraid, he always managed to get a hold of himself in front of her. "I swear I didn't mean it to go that far, I-I will never do it, again. And he's not good for you. Are you _that _mad at me because of _him_?"  
The disbelief in his voice was evident, he knew what was coming. He knew that, this time, it was different than any other. That this time, he was really risking losing Lily Evans before even having her at the first place.

And the rush of words followed by a rush of tears bursting from Lily shocked them both equally.

"It's_ Evans_, and it's NOT about him. It's about the fact that my life is slowly turning to hell because of you! It's because I've never dated in the past six years cause no boy dared to ask me, and if he did, he'd mysteriously disappear at first then avoid me for the rest of his life. It's because I'm only sixteen and I already have enough responsibility on my plate. I have no friends who could help me when I'm back home. My sister hates me and my family is shattered. My future seems dark even before it begins and you just come and stroll casually thinking you're acting funny! A proud conceited boy whom I hate keeps trying to wow me stupidly and asking for a date!_ You're lunatic_!"

She didn't mean to say all of this, it sort of burst out of her, fluent and unprecedented. She was shocked after all what she said, knowing that this was not fair to James and that her words were harsher than what she intended. She knew it must be because of Petunia's letter she'd just received. James face has gone pale as a ghost and his body stood still, not even blinking, as if keeping still and ignoring what just happened might make the last few seconds dissolve forever. However, words cannot be restored and he knew they will stay carved into his memory.

It seemed like eternity when his lips moved.

"I see." His voice gained some strength and his eyes were on the ground.

"Potter, I-I didn't mean it, to be that harsh."

"No no, it's okay. I understand. I guess I was just too proud and conceited to notice how much I bothered you." His insides trembling. It was all over.

"No, no." Lily said quickly. Her hands stretched and she held his face between her hands, forcing them to meet her eyes, standing closely to him.

"James, this is not all because of you. I mean-" She stuttered for words "Forget all I said, but I am not gonna date you. I can't. I might never date actually, the idea is ridiculous."

What the hell was she doing? She rejects him as no man has ever been rejected and then she holds his face between her warm hands and call him _James, _trying to re-reject him but softly this time?

"Yeah, you're right. It's ridiculous." He nodded a grave nod, staring at her with an impassive face that seemed to conceal the desperation in his eyes. "I was that pain in the neck, wasn't I?"

"James-" She tried again, but nothing came out. All of a sudden, she recognized that look on his face, that this time it was truly over and, to her astonishment, a part of her was as miserable as he was.

James tenderly put his hands on hers which still rested on his face. Slowly, he pulled them down and returned her hands back to her side.

"Goodbye, Evans." He said, then with a hollow smile added "Guess you won at the end, didn't you?"

It was dreadful, seeing James' empty smile, soulless as if he was just kissed by a dementor.

And with that, he ambled through the corridor, the light in his eyes slowly putting off, and disappeared out of Lily's gaze.


	2. Chapter 2: The First Fall

**Chapter One**

**Most of this story's scenes would be in Hogwarts, but James and Lily would fall in the preceding summer first so I had to write this chapter and another following one before they start their seventh year at Hogwarts. The first few chapters, actually first 3 chapters, would be sort of gloomy but I promise Lily's fun personality would be back.**

**Please let me know what you think of it so far :D **

* * *

I'll be fine. Lily Evans chanted to herself that phrase over and over again, wishing that, perhaps, her subconscious would absorb its meaning and finally let her in peace of mind. Everything would be okay. Her family would be okay. She repeated over and over again.

But what family was she talking about?

It was barely the mid of her summer vacation and in a few weeks, Hogwarts Express would leave King Cross station filled with students and hopes and dreams for this year. But Lily Evans won't be on that train. A scream interrupted Lily's thoughts and she hurried quickly out of her arm chair towards little Alice's bed.

"Oh, what's wrong with you now?" Lily asked as she carried the baby in her arms, rocking her back and forth with such motherly tenderness ."I'll go and fetch your milk."

She lowered her into her bed again and ran towards the kitchen to get her bottle which was dropped in hot water. The act was so familiar and routine-like now. There was no one else to take care of her little new sister who is barely a month and half old, there was no one else in this house for four solid weeks except the baby and herself. She closed her eyes, fighting the whirlpool of gloom that threatened to take all over again, fighting the impulse need to scream, closing her eyes so tightly shut that only one silent tear managed to escape.

It all started last year, when her father was sacked out for pure financial problems in the company. They started selling a lot of their furniture, clothes and electronics, scraping every penny they could get and barely buying enough food. When the situation became hopeless and the amount of bills they had to pay could be mistaken for a mould for the Himalayas, Mr. Evans found a job opportunity outside London for him and his wife but there was no way he could take poor baby Alice with them. With that, they left her with Petunia who left her with Lily the moment she stepped foot in London. Petunia now was nowhere to be seen as she escaped with Vernon to get married. Lily's need to kick something grew even stronger.

She was a witch, she should be able to sort this mess out, she should work and get enough money to help her mum and dad. Then, they would all return and her mother would greet her once again with her warm smile and the smell of bacon in the morning and her dad would kiss her on the cheek as he did every day.

But that wasn't the only problem, Alice was growing weaker day by day, her face seemed paler and she was under weight. Lily knew she should take her to a muggle hospital but she was so afraid they'd take her away because Lily was underage. On the other hand, she knew that if she gave up her studying magic, then she'd be better off giving up the whole wizarding world. She didn't even know how she was supposed to reach St. Mungos hospital. Maybe she should re-consider her decision and write to the Ministry of Magic asking for financial and medical help, or maybe she should seek help form Dumbledore...

Her door's bell rang unexpectedly, tearing her thoughts apart. Vaguely wondering who could actually come and visit her, she opened the door. Her jaw dropped and, for a second, she thought that missing Hogwarts must have made her see hallucinations.

"Hey, Evans." greeted James in a careful voice, it seemed slightly hopeful, slightly taken away.

Lily just stared at him for a few seconds, trying to register James' presence on her front door. He was wearing a simple T-shirt and jeans, leaning on the door's side, his hair was ruffled as usual and he seemed to have grown during the summer.

"Oh," She managed to say at first, "Oh, hey."

James kept silent for a moment, perhaps he was waiting for her to ask him to come inside, but after a moment it didn't seem likely.

"Yeah, umm, I came here to deliver you your Head Girl badge. The school tried to send it to you by owl but for some reason it seemed like you never received it. I was at Dumbledore's so he suggested I'd deliver it to you."

Lily's heart sank. She was a Head Girl. Her heart ached with her loss, and that was exactly why she closed all the windows and didn't let any owl inside. She blocked the chimney as well, hoping that the school wouldn't be so persistent in sending her the letter.

She looked to the side for a moment, took a deep breath and looked back again at James whose hand had stretched towards her, giving her the letter.

"No," She said, pushing his hand back again, "I don't think I'll need this."

James looked confused for a moment.

"You got another badge?" He asked.

"No. I am not going to be a Head Girl. I am not going to Hogwarts." She said the words slowly, giving James enough time for the words to sink in.

"I don't get it," He said stupidly.

Lily' normal reaction would have been snapping at him, letting him fully understand that she didn't expect him to have brain cells to understand. Yet, she had no energy to be angry, it wasn't exhaustion but something deeper and colder stretching inside of her, sucking her soul, letting her swim in incessant numbness...

"I am not going to Hogwarts," she said again in the same calm voice but before he could respond, some sort of realization was drawn over her face.

"I'm sorry I've let you out all that time, come in!" She moved out of the door way to give him space to enter.

As James was drinking an orange juice, Lily told him, always looking downwards then raising her eyes every while and then to watch his reaction, in a quiet voice about her reasons for abandoning Hogwarts, thus, her whole magical career. James was just staring at her, trying to make sense of what she was saying with his mouth opened slightly.

Lily didn't know why she was telling him, but all she knew was that she needed to. She had to get that off her chest, she had to say it out loud, she had to let someone know what she was passing through. Although a part of her mind was wondering whether James would be having the tiniest interest in what she was going through after her outburst at him last year, she couldn't stop talking and couldn't help noticing the changes in his attitude. After telling everything; her normal life now , her job in the supermarket two streets away from her house, her manager who keeps acting weirdly, her little sister, her family and practically everything, she knew she would never be able to meet his eyes. Her cheeks were burning red as blood invaded them.

James got closer to her, his right hand sneaked towards hers and held them, giving her that reassuring squeeze. His left hand brushed her hair then pushed her head towards him, making it rest on his chest.

"Everything will be alright, you know," He whispered, still holding her," You'll go to Hogwarts, you'll be the Headgirl and you'll pass your N.E. with flying colours. Hogwarts is not going to lose the brightest witch of her age."

After what seemed like eternity, James released her. Lily felt lighter, less miserable, as if some of the sorrow was pushed to the side leaving some space to breathe in. The clean air she inhaled almost cleared her mind and she was once again capable of thinking.

She let out a shriek, as if she just realized that James was holding her. Her eyes widened and her body stiffed a bit as she sat beside him rather awkwardly.

James immediately noticed, dropped his arm and murmured, "I'm sorry."

She just shook her head, her eyes roaming the house, as if she was expecting some sort of magical escape. That was _Potter_ who was holding her, the proud git who turned her life as well as countless others to hell. That was potter who kept hexing Severus, who was so conceited he thought he could get any girl, who played pranks and broke rules. But she didn't move, she didn't utter another word.

She was too broken to resist now.

James came over the next day, and the next and the next and Lily couldn't find a single reason to act instinctively and object. At first she tried to ensure him that she'd be okay and she could handle it all by herself, then she tried to tell him there was no need to come every day all this distance from his house to hers. At this point, James smirked and told her he'd passed his apparating test this summer as he was older than her.

James Potter, whose family's wealth was one of the greatest between all wizard families, took care of everything, he went with Lily to St. Mungo's hospital to take care of little Alice , he secretly paid for all her family's bills and, after talking to his father, the company called Mr. Evans and told him that his respectable place at the company was waiting for him once again. Lily, of course, knew nothing about this and the only help she was aware of was him convincing of not abandoning the wizarding world and going with her to the hospital.

All of this was done in a month time, in which James visited her every day in. Before putting Alice in the hospital, she kept her with him instead of taking her to work. James was sure that if he suggested getting a babysitter, Lily would go round the bend at the idea of him paying (he once vaguely hinted the idea and the look on her face was enough to shut him up.)

"So, when are your parents arriving?" It was a beautiful summer night and James was stretching over a couch in the living room with a bowl of chocolate ice-cream. Lily was washing the dishes they have just had dinner in.

"In two weeks, I'm glad they'd be able to see me before going to school." She said, as the sound of water splashing over the dishes filled the kitchen.

"But," she continued, "could you believe that? Dad suddenly got his job back. He didn't even mention anything about the bills."

"Maybe he was able to save enough there." James suggested, trying to sound as casual as possible.

"Maybe," she said, "maybe that's why he was sending me so little." Then after some thought she added "I hope Alice would be okay. Her face was even paler today when we visited her. What did the healer tell you?"

James sighed, closing his eyes for a moment before mouthing out some more lies. "She'll be okay, she just needs some time."

No, she wasn't going to be okay and he knew it. The wizards were no better than muggles in medicine and some of the diseases both of the worlds shared were still incurable. Alice had extra magical charges, and she's in a late stage and her situation is getting even more dangerous over the days. He talked to a lot of great healers, begging them to help her and with promises they would do the best they could, they didn't try to hide the hopelessness in their voices. It was either Alice would lose her magical powers or would die of their extra charges, both fates made his heart ache so dreadfully.

Lily finished washing the dishes, her face seemed to have gained more colour over the past few days, her features looked softer and her soul radiated faintly that aura that always accompanied her. It was now possible to see a hint of that Lily James knew. The days when she once used to feel, to get angry, to laugh till her sides ache, to blush with warmth, to rage with steam, they all seem so far away now, beneath a cloud of dust and carbon. He could remember the day Severus said she was a mudblood. That day, Lily went to the Astronomy tower and cried till her eyes ran out of tears to spill. James was there, he tried to comfort her but she gave him that look, that even when she's most broken, there were no holes to sneak through. She was strong, even in the moment he could remember her hurt the most. Even in anger, there was passion and attachment. These attachments she always established to people, things, books, teachers. It was as if every single thing in this world was able to provoke an action of her, to tease or infuriate or amaze her. That Lily was no where to be seen from the beginning of the summer, but now, he could feel her traces. Her strength was building again, slowly and cautiously, careful not to hope too much and lose the strength she maintained so far. She was growing again to be herself and James couldn't let his eyes off her. She was beautiful, her red hair was falling in waves, her green eyes were gleaming again through the mist and her lips were smiling softly.

She sat beside him on the couch, watching some program that Lily wasn't paying attention to. James noticed.

"Would you like me to change the channel?" He asked immediately.

"No, no. It doesn't matter. I am not in the mood to watch anything actually."

James looked at her, his fingers traced under her eyes.

"Is there blackness under my eyes?" She looked directly at him.

"No, it's much better now."

"Better," She snorted, "I look like a zombie"

"A gorgeous zombie" He grinned and Lily grinned as well. She was now familiarized with James' touches; her hand, her hair, her cheeks, under her eyes, her waist and once he ventured touching her lips with his fingers, removing a trace of Lasagna. They were all light, frequent and miraculously relaxing. It was these simple gestures that kept Lily going, fueling her.

"Are you mad at me?" Lily asked timidly, taking James a bit off guard.

"Why would I be mad at you?"

"You know, for what I said at the end of last year," She said looking at him softly, "At the corridor."

James flinched inwardly and Lily noticed it, as his face tensed the slightest bit, his eyes got a little colder...

"D-did you really mean it? What you said at the c-corridor?" He gazed up at her expectantly.

At that moment, Lily wasn't thinking. That bubble of anticipation and hopefulness was expanding in her chest and at that moment when her eyes were locked up with James, something clicked.

"You still have some chocolate on your lips."

With that her face moved forward, leaning to the right and her eyes closed. Her lips brushed James' lower one tenderly, sucking in the taste of the chocolate, backed an inch and looked at him. James' eyes were still closed, his face was frowning a bit as if he was trying to control some insider struggle. The moment he opened his eyes, Lily leaned in again and pressed hers more forcefully, her fingers intertwined with his hair as she pulled him to her. James' hands copied hers at first before dropping to her waist to support her. In a swift motion, he laid her on the couch, lips still connected and minds in the clouds.


	3. Chapter 3: April Fool

James' eyes opened reluctantly, still not certain whether he should give up and comply the blinding sun rays or just doze off again. He was comfortable, much more than comfortable actually, almost warm to the core. He stretched in his place, moving his sleepy muscles when his hand hit someone.

He looked over at Lily, sleeping peaceful beside him and clutching a pillow in her hands. Her face was more relaxed than it's ever been during the summer, there was no frown, no worry or concern, just peacefulness bestowed upon her. He couldn't resist trailing his fingers on her cheek; it became a habit now. He loved this simple gesture. Looking over at the muggle alarm beside her bed, he knew it was time to wake her up.

"Lils, Lils, wake up." He whispered softly in her ears. She murmured a faint objection and struggled again to dope off. James chuckled a bit, and gave her some more time. He went to the kitchen, glad that he picked some of his mother's household charms and all too soon the bacon was pickling and the coffee was being prepared. Although he was off age, he knew that Lily wasn't that kind of person who would like her responsibilities being held by someone else, so he tried to avoid using magic as much as he could but he couldn't resist preparing her breakfast this morning. She would make a great Head Girl, and following his train of thoughts, he remembered he didn't mention he was the Head Boy. She wouldn't believe him anyway, who in his right mind would make him Head Boy?

James heard her yawning from her room, stirring his memory and causing last night to flash across his eyes. He remembered how it felt like to hold her that close, to feel her lips on his, her hands in his hair. He was stunned at first, his mind had gone blank when she first ventured her move. And it remained blank, his instincts had taken all over, thinking only when he felt they might go too far...

Yes, through the mingle of sensations and wildness, he managed to draw a line for now. Perhaps Lily was recovering, but it was by no means right to just go with the flaw no matter how much he wanted it; strived for it. Thus, he just enjoyed holding her, kissing her until exhaustion got the better of them both. They cuddled right where they were on the couch, but as the time ticked, he picked her up and put her in bed.

"Stay with me tonight." She whispered in a sleepy voice, her hands around his neck, her eyes half-closed. He couldn't say no and tucked beside her into the covers.

"I see you managed to unleash your talent in cooking," came Lily's voice from behind startling James, "the smell is fantastic."

James turned around and saw her, wearing a pink tank top and sweat pants. "I'm a natural." He said, smirking.

"Sure you're." The corners of her lips twitching as she inhaled in, remembering how much she missed being greeted in the morning with that smell...

Too bad good days have to end.

* * *

Lily kept staring at Mr. Rupert, with that look of skepticism on her face, barely listening to the words he just uttered to actually understand them. The healer looked at her, with a slight frown of concern on his face, looking genuinely apologetic for announcing the horrible news.

"I'm sorry, Miss Evans." He repeated again, watching for her reaction, waiting for her to fully absorb what he just said. As far as Lily remembered, it included a lot of _sorry _and _we did our best _and _inevitable. _She practically heard the last word over three times. She looked at James who stood beside her, then back to the healer, as if waiting for them to burst into laughter and shout APRIL'S FOOL.

But nothing happened, no one laughed and no one announced his responsibility for this rude prank.

"You're lying." She simply stated, there was no hint of accusation in her voice. It was a simple fact, a one she was so sure of.

James pulled Lily into him, his arm holding her around the waist, his lips tightly pressed on her forehead, his whole body slightly shaking.

The healer smiled apologetically and said, "I wish I were," and left.

"James, this is a really sick joke, you know," she said, her voice quivering a bit, and his hold on her tightened even more, now engulfing her into a full embrace. The strength he was holding her with was breath-knocking, as if with more proximity he would absorb all the shock and fury, or as if he would freeze her in the same mental and physical state, as if he would prevent her from rushing somewhere, away from him. He didn't want her to slip within herself again. He didn't want her to drew deeper and deeper into some place only God knows where, a place darker, more horrifying than any other, inside of her.

"Everything would be fine," He murmured over and over again in rushed tone, calling her name every, _Lily, Lily, Lils, everything would be alright_.

Lily just stayed silent, not even trying to resist him. He felt it, she was slowly, gradually leaving again, too weak already to handle another shock. Yet, she threw another look at Alice whom the nurse was taking away now from her bed, incredulity never leaving her face. The sight they saw was even too much for him, let alone her. The baby's last cries were deafening, mashing the listeners' insides, her body shook repeatedly from the extra charges which unmercifully took control of her body. The healers responded promptly, casting spells, monitoring the case, and a table full of different potions by their side.

Alice couldn't be dead, she simply wasn't dead, she couldn't be. She was the most adorable baby she'd ever seen, with the same green eyes Lily had, and a smile that was only served for her big sister. She'd taken care of her the whole summer; fed her, played with her, took her to work with her. She became Lily's only concern and aim the past two months, she was ready to quite Hogwarts to take care of her! Now, she was gone, as simple as that. Gone, the word echoed in her mind.

"She can't be gone, James," She wasn't crying, but her voice was quivering a bit with fear, the fear of believing what she just heard, "tell me she's not gone."

His tightened his grip, already trembling from inside, his whole world about to crash again.

"Tell me, James!" She demanded more forcefully, "tell me! tell me she's not dead!"

"TELL ME!" she shouted, growing stronger, resisting more powerfully, "TELL ME! TELL ME! TELL ME!"

She shouted on the top of her lungs, her voice muffled a bit by James. But all too soon, the shouting had stopped and Lily had blackened out.

Eleven days seemed to pass by, unnoticed, insignificant after the funeral. It was a simple one, with hardly anyone coming except some of her neighbours, her boss and James. She couldn't contact her parents, she couldn't tell them something she didn't believe in herself. James didn't leave her since that day, he would simply lay beside her as she slept, escaping what she must face. It was her defensive mechanism, her subconscious recognizing the danger that lay within that belief. Once she'd register the truth, whatever she managed to preserve of herself would be blown, the last bits that held her together would crumble to dust.

At night, he would lay awake, gazing at her, stroking her hair, frustrated with himself for being able to do nothing, frustrated at the world for being so cruel to a girl so delicate. During the day, he would help her wash her face, eat her breakfast, give her the calming potion the healer suggested. She didn't venture anything from her side but rather stayed impassive, only responding when necessary, nodding when it felt appropriate. He took her outside, drove her around the city with his car, took her to a walk along the lake, told her to cling so hard to him so they could apparate...

There was no day he kept her at home, he wasn't going to let her stay miserable in a place that reminded her with every bad memory she ever had. She needed to breath, she had to.

But it didn't seem to work, her face was paler than ever regardless of all the food he managed to shove down her throat or of the potions she took. Her face fell, petrified, fixed, a ghost moving around with him. He would be her ghost as well, in the middle of the night when her grief would be too crushing and threatening, he'd allow his face to copy hers.

He couldn't take any more of this. He couldn't see her suffer that way every day. He wasn't sure when exactly was that denial state going to stop, or how excruciating the _actual _grief would be. And that's when it occurred to him, the mere simple yet blazing fact that he would not allow her to experience it. He could do something after all, he'd have to pay something but it was all okay as long as Lily would be okay.

It was torturing, but the issue was settled.

Lily would be okay.


	4. Chapter 4: Oblivate

Lily was curled on her bed, her arms embracing her knees and her eyes gazing longingly at the stars through the window. She was in a blue pajamas, wide ones and her hair was pushed upwards, with soft curls escaping the almost pony tail. She remembered that day she asked her dad to move her bed beside the window so she could sleep with the sky above her head, so she could always be camping below the stars, and when she entered Hogwarts, it constantly reminded her of the great hall.

James made his way into the room, taking in a deep breath.

"Lily?" He asked, tentatively. His eyes fixed on her.

She turned her head to look at him, waiting. Her eyes showing wonder.

"I am not letting this happen." His glare was intense, boring into her green eyes, softly lit.

"Letting what happen?" She asked, cocking her head to the side, still looking at him with mild awe.

"Watching you," he said in a hushed voice "suffering that way."

"I'm not suffering." She simply said, the look on her face didn't change.

"I am gonna oblivate you."

Lily was quiet for a moment, her eyes suddenly sharpened, her mind seemed to have awaken again.

"What are you sayin-"

" I am gonna erase that summer. It never happened. Alice wasn't born at the first place to die! Your parents didn't leave you for two months all alone and completely broke with a sick baby girl to take care of! That man in the supermarket never tried to flirt with you, or bother you in anyway when you are trying to work hard to earn a living at sixteen! You weren't alone. Petunia got married at the end of the summer, staying with you all that time. .." He trailed off, as the words rushed from his mouth, his eyes blazing with all the possibilities he said, seeing them reflected in her eyes for a moment.

"No," she murmured. "no, you can't do that."

"Of course, I can." He replied quickly.

"You can't just modify my memory! People don't go erasing the memory of people they loved when they die! This is-" she struggled for a word "outrageous, out of border" Her breathes came in and out rapidly and sharply, as if she was running all along and she just stopped in her track. A look of horrification was on her face.

"Can't you see where you're heading Lily? you can't move on. I am gonna help you-"

"I don't wanna move on!"

"Lily, listen to me," He held her shoulders, clutching them forcefully and shaking her slightly, "All of this, all of this mess, it could be like it never happened. Nothing at all! you don't have to deal with any of this, or live the rest of your life with the burden of such time on your chest! I could see you, retrieving to your own shell somewhere I can't reach. I saw you throwing your badge! I know you are intending on following your initial plan, of giving up. You are not planning on going to Hogwarts. You are intending on missing this year, help your mum and dad pass the shock of losing their two-month-old daughter, indulging yourself in the muggle world, throwing off your magical powers!" He hissed, "Is that what you want?"

Lily said nothing, just looked at him, trying to digest all what he said. It was a hard task; a part of her mind was completely refusing even considering the idea, when another part of her soul, of her spirits, seem to have lifted with the mere idea and ached when reminded of what she was going to miss. Maybe she didn't want any of this to happen, may be nothing could have actually happened...

_But it happened Lily, you're just gonna forget it._

"Mum, Dad, Pet-"

"I'm gonna take care of them all, of everyone we encountered. You could trust me on this."

Perhaps? She thought. The idea was tantalising, a beam of light breaking through the thickness of the darkness. So far, she couldn't even think of it. She didn't think of the baby since the funeral, just let her emotions overwhelm her, but never did she really think of it. Her mind was prone to devastation with such ideas, and she didn't want to be devastated. She wanted to go back to Hogwarts, she wanted her mum and dad comfortably stable and happy in their house. Merlin, she wasn't even able to handle her own sadness so about her parents'? James was right, she'd give up her last year. She'd stay with them and make them happy. Maybe he should just oblivate her parents...

But would she be able to keep up with her life with such a big secret? with such misery no one else knows about? Would she be able to face herself without thinking she was a coward, a miserable coward? Looking at her parents everyday, carrying along that big secret...

No. She'd rather die than that.

Maybe she should just agree, expunging this dreadful summer from her life, giving her attention to James, passing their seventh year together.

Something in her mind clicked.

"James, you do realise that I am gonna forget you as well?"

"I know." His face was inscrutable.

"I'd go back to treating you like I used to."

She'd go back to hating him, Lily thought, unaware that he saved her, that he was the only one who took care of her when she most needed it, that he, of all people, stuck for her, never let her go out of his sight, comforted her, fed her, made her feel safe...

"Guess I'll have to win you again." He said with a weak smile, then hastily added,

"Let's go walk by the lake." James suggested, not knowing what forced him exactly to say this. He knew this all along, he knew she was going to forget him as well, there was no way of splitting these memories. The memories about him and about Alice and her parents were strongly intertwined, and erasing bits of them would leave her confused and shaken.

And they got out of the house, and strolled till they reached the nearby lake. It was dark, and the air was cool, blowing against their direction, making Lily's hair fly backwards. James held her hand as they walked by in silence, each drawn in their own whirlpool of thoughts. When Lily said that she'd forget him, it suddenly became too real to James, almost unbearable. She'd forget him, she'd walk by him in the corridors and wouldn't bother casting a glance at him, she'd call him a conceited proud git again and he would never be able to hold her hand and walk across the lake. He would never sleep beside her again. She would never lick the remaining chocolate off his lips again.

His grip on her hands tightened.

They sat on a bench beneath a tree whose silhouette appeared and disappeared just like the light of the light stand. With a flick of his wand, James ended the battle of the electricity inside, allowing them to settle down into the darkness.

"You do realise you'll have to do it tonight?" Lily's voice broke the silence first. "Mum and Dad are coming tomorrow."

Of course he knew.

"Yes."

Lily's head was resting over his chest, her hand clutching him with all her mighty, letting herself feel him, all of him, quenching the thirst she'd suffer from later. They held each other in silence in a desperate way, not talking. She'll just let her body do it all for her, expressing her agony and misery and ach.

After half an hour, or perhaps three, or maybe the whole night, they broke away from each other. It was time, they both knew it. Lily was worried about her parents, what they would think when they arrive and the clash that might happen. Anything wrong could happen. But then, a comforting thought occurred, James was there. There was no need to worry.

He looked at her straight in the eyes

"Ready?" He asked, his voice not betraying him.

"Yes," She answered, captivated by him

"I almost missed the old you." He grinned half-heartedly, it was hollow and dull, but hopefully he managed to conceal that.

With that he got out his wand, concentrating at exactly what he wanted to do to her memory, making sure not to censor too much or too little.

Lily's eyes flicked. It was just like tossing a coin when you weren't sure what you precisely wanted, letting luck choose for you. At that split of a second, when the coin flies into the air, you know _exactly_ what you want. You find, despite of yourself, that you are hoping it was a tail or a head. At that moment, when James' wand was directed her way, his mouth letting the incantation break free, she knew it. All along, even before this summer, when she screamed and shouted at him, turned down all his invitations, cursed him inwardly, no one could ever _hate _someone so passionately.

"I love you, James."

_Oblivate_

And the words were forgotten the moment she said them.


	5. Chapter 5: The First Meeting

Lily's head was staring outside of her compartment's window, gazing at the last peaks of King Cross station as the train pulled out. Impatiently, she looked at her watch again, waiting for her companion whoever he was to arrive. She was already yearning to go back to her usual compartment, seeking comfort in Sally who would fill her with stories and tales about her visit to Switzerland.

"Hey, Evans." A voice spoke from behind her, already too familiar too recognizable and, involuntarily, sent shivers of burning hatred down her spine. His voice was as taunting as ever, and without turning her head, she knew that his so Potter smirk was plastered on his face, the one that got Hogwarts whole female population's hearts melt at his feet like ice cubes on a scorching summer day. Taking in a deep breath, She prepared herself for whatever he planned in mind.

She hated him, that insufferable, irritable, conceited, infuriating git disguised as one of the hottest guys ever stepped the gates of Hogwarts. She hated how he almost took lead of her life; made her lose her best friend, threatened to hex any guy who ever thought of passing the broad line _he _set, or didn't follow the rules _he _put when dealing with her, followed her everywhere thinking he's a descent of holiness and that one day she'd surrender just because she had to surrender like every other girl in the school.

Lily's scowl, which was already in place before turning her head to look at him, fell down for a second, his presence taking her off guard. He was closer than what she precedently thought, wearing a white T-shirt which almost gave a blurred view of his torso, clinging deliciously at it and Lily found herself wondering whether he wore it for that very same reason. His pants were simple muggle jeans and the expression on his face was not exactly the one Lily imagined. The smirk was there, but it was mixed with mockery, his hazel orbs were intense, with a flake of disdain. This look unnerved her, there was something wrong with his smirk this time, something that made it feel much more dangerous than any other time...

"In case you are too thick to understand the notice outside, this compartment is for the Heads and the Prefects only." The reply was automatic, fuelled by years of experience of shooting razor-sharp comments at each other . Her head turned around, rummaging her handbag for a non-existent object, unable to meet his eyes for some unknown reason.

"Well, maybe you're too thick to recognise the badge. I knew these orbs aren't normal, now these lenses are starting to affect your vision," He said, his voice was treacherously playful, and filled with some sort of emotion she couldn't put her hands on yet. Lily looked up at him, followed his fingers which clearly pointed at the golden Head badge pinned to his chest. Silence filled the compartment for a second, as she tried to digest the fact that there was a golden badge shimmering as it reflected the sun light. "Or were you too distracted to notice it?" He asked, his smirk growing even wider.

He was right, she was too distracted by him and his damn torso to notice the only accessory he wore on plain clothes. Maintaining her self-control as quickly as possible, she fired out the next.

"Potter, you'd better return the badge you nicked to the Head Boy before I put you in detention for the rest of your pathetic life."

Before ascending the train, she kept running through the possible Head Boys, suspecting that Remus has a very good chance. Now, her suspicions were confirmed. No Head Boy would allow him to take his badge on his first day, it must be Remus.

"I don't want to burst your bubble of denial, _Evans_, but it so happens to be that I am the Head Boy this year." The way he said Evans made her heart leap into her throat.

James stood still in his place, waiting for her to wake from her rather prolonged gaze at his chest, a smirk still securely attached to his heavenly beautiful face, his black hair curls fell majestically on his forehead before his fingers unconsciously ruffled with his rather untameable hair. Her eyes were still mesmerised by the golden object with pure horror on her face. Her green emerald eyes were intense, her mouth half-opened at what she just heard.

James Potter, the constant reason for her misery, the pure source of all the mischief and torture and atrociousness, would be her forced companion for the rest of her this year.

At that she looked up at him, truly looked up at him when something so intense, so new yet so familiar stuck her right in her chest. His hazel orbs were holding hers, with such intensity that knocked her out of breath. Although his expression was neutral, almost nonchalant, his molten gold eyes weren't quite unfazed, they were boring into hers with a whirl of emotions she couldn't quietly identify. Her heart throbbed loud in her chest, when something consumed her, a feeling eating her whole body out. It all happened in a flick of a second, when the tension has escalated unbearably that the small gap between them became almost electrified. And as quickly as it came, it was gone as the prefects knocked on the door, waiting for the first meeting.

James Potter was standing behind the compartment, hesitating for only a millisecond before sliding the door open with swift and expert motion it didn't cause any crack. His thoughts were roaming back and forth, his face was composed as usual under a thick mask of indifference before adding the last touch; the smirk. He was well prepared for this, there would be no trace of slipping, no sign of losing his cockiness. It was over, and it was prone to stay that way, he wouldn't slip, he wouldn't show. His thoughts have already worn him out the past week; how it all seemed to crush him at once, how it all seemed to sink in... Lily Evans' last thought was rejecting him for once and for all. She hated him, again. He made up his mind, his heart already covered with thousands of covers, preventing any penetration, any beat out of rhythm, any thought out of control..

Maybe that way he'd get her back.

The compartment door slid open, and, for a split of a second, every precaution he had set to himself was thrown to the winds. Lily was facing the window, her back given to him and James couldn't help his eyes as they took in all of her starting with her blazing hair as it feel back in tractable soft thick curls, down to her slim waist then her long distracting legs. She was wearing a red tank top under her jeans jacket which failed miserably in conceiving her rather delightful-to-the-eye figure and which was more complimented with the light skinny jeans flawing along her legs, a second skin to hers. She seemed completely oblivious to his presence and with a remarkable effort, he returned his gaze back to her. Taking in a breath he was sure she wouldn't notice, he reminded himself of the last time she saw him, of her words which stung deep, still etching. She wanted him off her life, she wanted him to stop tormenting her, to stop and he would give her exactly what she wanted... for now. Forcing the lightness into his tone, he said _Hey, Evans. _

And she looked at him at that moment, her emerald green eyes twinkling as the expected rage started to rise in her chest. She looked up at him and it took James every bit of self-control he has to stop his mouth from dropping. She was her again, her face was livid with colour in her cheeks, her eyes were gleaming with the beauty of her soul. The only reminder of the dark days was the traces under her eyes that haven't yet recovered from the sleeplessness and tiredness that consumed her for the whole summer. Those eyes which now dropped almost immediately as she frankly searched for something in her handbag. Few words were exchanged, few words he could hardly remember, his mind was still busy absorbing her, willing for that image to stay stuck in his mind forever, knowing that deep in his heart, he did the right thing. The price he'd pay was mediocre, insignificant, to what he has gotten in return.

* * *

"Lilyyyyy" Sally's loud shrill filled the train as she threw herself at Lily. Although Sally seemed small, shorter than Lily who was 5'4 inches, and her blond short hair gave her a rather cuddle-able figure, she still managed to lock Lily in a bone-crushing hug that left her gasping for breath. When her lungs started working properly again, she looked at Sally whose blue eyes were glittering. Lily couldn't help the wide grin that almost pained her face muscles. Sally was her first and favourite girl friend, a half-blood who left England in the summer each year to live with her parents in Switzerland. Her father was a handsome muggle whom her witch mother couldn't help but fall in love with.

"I brought you something!" She guided Lily into their compartment which was filled with other three girls. Amelia, Jenny and Alex were her roommates and although they weren't particularly fond of her for _reasons_, she still missed them and clearly they did too. After all the hugs and greetings, the five girls eagerly started chattering about their summer.

"So, how was yours, lils?" Her blond friend asked, her navy blue orbs still sparkling faintly.

The question took Lily a bit off guard, her face slipped into a puzzled form before she quickly took control again.

'It was .. okay," her gaze looked thoughtfully out of the window for a moment before adding hastily, "Petunia got married."

"Ohh," that was all what Sally managed to say at first, "how was it?" she asked tentatively.

"I dunno, I wasn't there."

That was enough to make Sally stop asking. She threw a sympathetic smile at her and left Lily to her thoughts.

But Lily wasn't a bit concerned about Petunia for the moment, her head was racking through this summer. How was her summer? It was ... ordinary. Lily could remember nothing interesting happening, it was all straying around her mother in the morning filling the house with the exhilarating smell of eggs and bacons and toasts, her father working his usual shifts, Petunia staying with them the first few weeks of the summer, regular visits to the nearby garden. The facts were there, clear and unmistakable, but it was her who was missing from the picture. She can't remember how she felt in the morning, or how hurt she got after any fight with Petunia. She can't remember envisioning and making plans about her next year, she can't remember imagining herself a Head Girl commanding the prefects and tasting authority. It wasn't the simple facts, but rather her own brainstorming that was nowhere to be found. There were too many stuff she needed to decide, like reading deeper into healing, or re-checking that her NEWTs were the ones she was absolutely sure she wanted to take, or determining what to do with Potter.

The train finally reached Hogsmade, and all of the students, now dressed in their robes, were getting prepared to leave the train, squashing any belongings left outside into their bags. Lily was still lost, the sudden movement in the train did too little to pull her out of her unperturbed thoughts. The summer ticked away unnoticed, three entire months were already behind her, a summer she counted so much on ...

Tap Tap

No movement.

Tap Tap Tap

Not even a blink.

TAP TAP TAP

The loud knock on the glass jolted Lily, finally. She turned around to look at the vicious person who dared to startle her in that cruel way.

_Potter_, expected.

Lily looked around her at the deserted place, aiming to send a knowing look at Sally who was nowhere to be seen. She slowly started to take in the empty seats that she could swear were just occupied a second earlier. They couldn't have just left like that. Turning her gaze back at the handsome boy behind the glass, she saw him mouthing words as his voice couldn't make it inside. His hands were moving frantically, pointing urgently, the fury starting to reach his eyes as the impatience was drawn all over her face.

"Ohh!" her eyebrows shot high as she hurried to open the door.

"What the hell, Evans? I have been trying to get your attention for full five minutes_! And you hexed the door?_"

"I am sorry. I swear, I didn't notice. Where did the girls go anyway?"

"Perhaps on their way to the castle! We were supposed to be supervising the students as each got into the carriages."

Lily got silent for a second, racking her brain, begging it to work.

"I forgot, I almost dozed off a-" the words were pouring incoherently out of her mouth before she stopped and narrowed her eyes at him " -and why didn't _you _remind me earlier?"

Lily could swear she saw a feeble hint of pink in his cheeks, too slight and too rapid it was gone the moment they appeared. James' scratched the back of his head for a moment before admitting.

"Okay, I forgot. Just like you," he said rapidly, " but _you _are the responsible one here, and it's _you _who are supposed to remind me!"

"That's totally nonsense!_ Both_ of us are equally responsible, it's your job as well as it's mine and if you think you're gonna make it through this year by throwing _your_ duties on _my_ shoulder then I remind you-"

Lily's trail was abruptly cut as the train started to move from its place. James expeditiously ran to the window, his eyebrows shooting into the air as he saw the platform gliding below their feet.

"Dammit." He muttered under his breath as he held Lily's wrist a bit aggressively and dragged her behind him, practically running to the exit. When they made it to the door, it wouldn't shift and the train already started to gain speed. Putting a protective hand in front of Lily, he got out his wand.

"Wait! What are you doing?"

"I am not actually in the mood to revisit London!"

"There must be someone here! There must be someone who checks the train is completely empt-"

"That would have been us." He said in a low voice and the door was blasted.


	6. Chapter 6: The Carriage

**Chapter Six is here :) **

**Special thanks to Lilyflower, Rosyy and ****TotoroBird (yeah, I do hope it all resolves itself too and I would do my best to make this a good one :D). I'd like to thank _everyone _who followed or favourited it, showing that my story is worthy few minutes of your precious time. **

* * *

"Are you okay?" The voice seemed far away, breaking through thick mist and layers of invisible covers she could barely make out the words. It became persistent, asking more urgently, shaking her slightly and unwillingly her eyes opened.

In front of her, James was kneeling down, his forehead wrinkled in a frown as his hands were supporting Lily.

"Ouch." Her head seemed to be breaking into million pieces the moment she raised it to stand up.

"That was a nasty fall," his hand gently brushed her head, removing the hair from her face. At first Lily thought he was just messaging where she was hit, and as part of her was already gathering all the rage it could master to shot at him, she noticed that the pain was subsiding slowly, "there you go."

Lily jolted upright, her head shaking slowly as the last traces of the pain were evaporating. Her vision became clearer once again and she took in her surroundings. They were still on the platform in Hogsmade station which now seemed deserted with nothing other than a carriage at the far end. James was still by her side staring at her.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?" he looked infinitesimally taken aback.

"Do this," she pointed at her head, "that's advanced magic, only taken in the healing course!"

"Oh," He feigned a surprised look, "What, Evans? Mad that someone knows something you don't?" The smirk was slowly creeping its way on his face.

"I am not!" Her reply came quick and sharp, although part of her admitted that she couldn't stand the idea of Potter surpassing her, that big-headed prat. Reading her mind, his smirk got even wider as he stood up and offered his hand.

"No, thanks." She said in a deadly whisper as she got up all by herself.

"Fine, I was just trying to be helpful." He shrugged and marched in front of her towards the carriage in long strides that Lily had to run to catch up with him.

"How much trouble are we in?" she asked in a small voice.

"Heaps."

They stayed silent for a while.

"D-do you think Dumbledo- Merlin!"

She froze in place, her eyes widening as she took in the dark creature in front of her. It looked like a starving horse in the middle of a transfiguration process to a bat. Every bone in his skeleton was visible through the ultrathin black skin that covered him. His wings were huge and sharp, his eyes were hid behind thick lids which slowly lifted to stare at her.

"What is this?" her voice was barely above a whisper.

"What what?" James looked at her, eyes narrowing

"That ... thing."

And it hit him, hard in the face or a punch in the gut. He could have avoided it, he could have at least prepared himself in advance... but he didn't and he cursed himself inwardly.

"This is ...er Therstal" his hand brushed his hair, a sure sign of nervousness.

"Therstal?" she echoed his word, "what happened to the carriages? they are able to pull themselves, aren't they?"

James sighed, and briefly closed his eyes. There was no point in lying; she'd check it in the library and know whatever he says would be rambling.

"They have always been there, Evans. They have always pulled the carriages."

It took Lily a moment to digest what he said, blaming it on her malfunctioning bruised head that must have been incapable to provide a logical conclusion.

"They were never there."

"They have always been here, Evans."

Evans, Evans and Evans. The way he said her surname triggered something, something deep and intangible that distracted her for a moment.

"I've never seen them before." They both kept standing in front of the carriage, school now forgotten and pushed to the side, each drawn in his own thoughts; Lily trying to find her voice to argue her point but her eyes seemed complied to stare at the majestic beast, James wondering how he is going to provide an explanation, how she would react when she knows that she must have seen death to be able to see it. The knowledge would crush her, puzzle her for years to come if possible. How could he be so stupid and flout the past, thinking it's easy to remove all its traces..

"Can you see it?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

Silence ..

"A while."

"and what exactly is your definition for a while?"

"That's none of your business, Evans." The change in his tone of voice shocked her, sharp and filled with crudity. Although he knew Lily had nothing to do with the reason why and when he started seeing Thestrals, it still bothered him; frustration and rage building beneath the well-polished cover of his non chalance. The memory burned him, deep inside, the smell of sharp acid again filling his nostrils as the memory was relived again. But no, he had to control himself, control this guarded secret he was able to carry for four years now.

"Potter?" His eyes were closed, his jaw clenched and his hands were fisted beside him. The look on the handsome boy's face troubled her. It seemed as if he aged at that moment ten extra years. The playfulness and mockery that always leaked through his every pore evaporated, leaving him all solid and frozen. No, not frozen, but burnt. She could almost feel the steam radiating, hear his every heart beat pumping lava through his veins. It was all a moment, only a single moment he lost control in but for them it stretched and lingered within each.

"Potter?" she asked more forcefully, her hand shaking his right arm, "we're getting late."

His eyes snapped open, returning back to the surprisingly cold and welcoming platform of Hogsmade. He turned his gaze towards Lily, whose eyes were wide and he could see through the anxiety, if he looked well enough, traces of concern well hidden. Her mouth was slightly opened, still looking at him with a puzzled expression, waiting for him to say something.

"I am sorry. Let's go." and with that they both got into the carriage, Potter first to stretch his hand and pull her up.

They both ran, as quickly as their feet could handle, through the empty corridors in the castle towards the gates of the great hall. Their footsteps echoing loudly, the frantic movement of their legs matched the beat of their hearts. When they finally reached their destination, they took a moment to regain control over their breathing and their scattered thoughts.

"Ready?" he asked, voice muffled with his heavy breaths.

"I guess."

And the moment his hands moved, the gates opened and students showered them, separating between the two heads.

"What are we supposed to do?!" Lily's head turned towards the source of the voice, detecting it's merely three feet away.

"We are supposed to supervise only! The prefects are going to escalate the first years and, thank Merlin, I gave them their passwords on the train." She allowed her voice to rise as much as it could, hoping he would hear her. So, okay, her first day as a head girl was an incorrigible failure but she wouldn't let _that _get her down. Now, all she has to do is observe. Observe in silence, Lily. Just observe the students going to their respectful destinations... shoving you along the way... occasionally elbowing you in the ribs as they walked.

* * *

_Finally! _every cell in her body screamed in relief as she threw herself on her bed after making a journey to _every single common room. _She ran from the Gryffindor hole to the dungeons to make sure all Slytherins were there, to the top of the North Tower to check on Ravenclaw then finally along that long underground corridor which stretched below the lake for the sake of HufflPuff!

But as her eyes started betraying the more reasonable part of her brain which insisted on changing into her pajamas first, the crack of the door made Lily's eyes snap open.

"_You," _her eyes narrowed at Sally who just got from the bathroom, hair dripping and body covered with a white cotton towel. "_you little traitor." _

"Hey lils, you look..

," a perplexed look on her face, "it's only your first day."

"How. Dare. You." Lily hissed under her breath, her eyes emitting deadly sparks. "how dare you leave me alone in the compartment until the train moved on its way back to London. Worse, allowing Potter the chance to ruffle his plumage in front of _me._"

"Woaah, calm down Bonefire. I asked you if you weren't coming with us, then you just made that weird mixture of a nod and a shack, so I asked if you had Head duties and you nodded vaguely again. So, knowing that you have to supervise and won't come with us in the carriage anyway, Amelia waved at you because the prefects were already evacuating the train. One of them asked us if there was anyone else left and I told him the Head Girl so he left in peace."

After considering her answer for a moment, Lily finally said "I hate you, and I am already in deep trouble." She sighed and threw herself again on the bed.

"What trouble?" Amelia has just got into the room, already in her pajamas ready to sleep. Her long thick black hair shimmered as the pale light of the moon reflected on it, her wide clear blue eyes glimmered as she looked at Lily .

"We blasted the train door to get out," she hesitated, "though I never saw how bad it was deformed, _should've asked Potter_." she mumbled the last part.

"Well, that's definitely some interesting first school day." Amelia smiled as she sat on her bed, grabbing a hair tie from the drawer to knot her long hair into a one elegant ponytail. As Amelia turned to face her, Lily couldn't help but observe how soft and warm Amelia's features were, how her eyes twinkled like very familiar blue eyes she knew too well. That fact has always calmed and unnerved her at the same time.

"I am off to sleep now. I have this feeling that tomorrow is going to be a _long _day." The redhead sneaked inside the covers, letting them cover her from head to toe and as everyone mumbled their 'nights and got into bed, Lily muttered _Lumos _and got that new muggle book she got from the bookstore during her last week in London from under her pillow. In the light of the wand, she started reading.

* * *

**I know there aren't any big events or turning points happening here, but I had to introduce you to some facts and characters first. I have got some plans for this story (big ones I hope) so bear with me. **

**And, of course, every review is most welcome. **

**I am not going to nag. **

**I am not going to beg. **

**I am not going to do just like every other author. **

**No way, ma'am. NO WAY. **

**...**

**Please review? :') **


	7. Chapter 7: His laugh

**I'm back I'm back !**

**First of all, let me thank asphodel95 and AnnekayneSkyWalker for their reviews; I'm so glad you loved the story :D **

**And of course, special thanks to the 19 who followed it. **

**Okay, enough with that. Let's get to the good parts. **

* * *

There was absolutely no words to describe the flatter of Lily's heart as she made her way to the great hall next morning for breakfast. It hit her out of the blue, how she actually missed the high enchanting ceiling, the long houses' tables, the tangled chatters and scribbles and cracks of people catching up, writing down some notes or, most probably, helping themselves and invading the incessant supply of the most luscious food. It was then that Lily realised that this was the first time to see the great hall since last May; she didn't get a chance to sneak a peek at it, or at the Headmaster, one headmaster she was still worried much about his reaction.

"I am actually looking forward for our charming classes. I have been practising back at Switzerland and I think I got good at some of them." Sally was, along with the other girls, making her way to their regular spot on the table, all wondering about how horrible NEWTS were.

"I remember how my older brother was during his seventh year," Alex, with her dark garcon hair, deep brown eyes and petite figure, shuddered, "he was really freaking out especially during the last three months. I've heard him cursing multiple times, rambling about how Potions was a viciously scandalous nightmare -"

"Well, your brother is rather mercurial alone, so ..."

"My brother is perfectly sane, thank you." Alex shot a look at Sally.

"I never subjected his sanity!" Sally feigned a hurt face, "I was merely stating his tendencies to snap at any person when a moment before, he could have been joking."

"Stop pulling Alex's leg, Sally. Her brother is really cute when you get to know him." Abandoning her silent stance, Lily joined in the conversation, grinning at Sally who had a little crush on him in her first year.

"Ugh." Alex sighed and decided to ignore the whole conversation.

Lily tuned out of the girls' conversation, her eyes darting towards the place where the marauders always occupied. And she found them, four boys groomed from head to toe, looking at complete ease, filling their places like kings, the centre of attention, receiving all sorts of gazes from awe to flirtation to admiration. The owls' arrived and one black owl landed in front of Remus Lupin, the sandy-haired boy with rather impressive wide eyes and fairly well-built body. He wasn't the coolest of them, always preferring to stay out of the spotlights, yet he was the one who most gained Lily's approval. During their fifth year, they patrolled together and through these times did she get to know Remus better, and almost came to understand why he got along with the pranks the marauders set. There was this invincible irrevocable bond between them, some tenacious tie she would never even dream to comprehend. It was evident, in the way they moved as one, in the way each backed the other, in the way they interacted together and in the way Remus allowed himself to talk about them. In a matter of fact, he didn't say much but it was more than enough for Lily and only then did she start overlooking his preferences to the marauders than to his prefects duties (even though he tried so hard to strict a balance).

The boy in question detached the _Daily Prophet _from the owl's leg and unfolded it, his eyes scanning through the pages. Beside him, sat Sirius Black, the one and only, as people daresay after his name. The Quidditch player, the smart-without-opening-a-bloody-book, the charmer, the best-smirk winner and the utterly douche bag jerk of the school who got out with every single slut in every house. But the list didn't stop there, his fanes did actually write more than 50 inches of his traits but Lily didn't have to cast a look at it. He was cold-hearted, never fell for a girl and from the very start, he declares his unholy intentions at the beginning of any relationship clarifying the "I want more." to be perfectly prohibited. Yet, women still ventured, unable to win the battle against his so _heart-melting " him". _

Peter Pettigrew, the small little boy whose mouth was totally covered with whipped cream he added in abundance to his English cake, was looking expectantly at Remus as he pointed out some articles in the _Prophet_. His lips were partially opened and his eyes were gleaming as a child who waited for his father to tell him his bed time story.

And then came the fourth marauder who Lily, for some reason, saved him the last to investigate. It was always easy to talk to Remus, joke with Sirius or help Peter with his potions essay but James was... different. His hair was ruffled, out of portion in the most adorable way, and his molten-gold orbs were hidden behind his eyelids as he closed them momentarily, losing the battle against the bewitching contentment swelling in his chest. His head was thrown to the back and his echoing laughs filled the place; almost melodious to the ear and heavenly heart-lifting. They earned him the attentiveness of most of the students' gazes as they turned in their seats to stare at him (although they already had a very significant number of audience even when they did absolutely nothing). The air in the castle instantly became lighter and every person felt it; the marauders always had that charm and ease. They were the heart of Hogwarts, its guardians and lovers and charmers and friends and although they always got away with their pranks, the teachers found it hard to dislike them ... even McGonagall and that _was_ something. Their bond was one no group ever had, and probably never would. Of course they had their moments sometimes, Lily could remember that night on her fifth year when the conjunctions that held the marauders together started to crack, when some bitter coldness elated from that always-warm era around them. But soon, these cracks were reinforced with enormous amounts of love and loyalty, sticking them together closer than ever...

James laughs stopped and the lacking of them made Lily snap back to reality, her eyes at first scanned the students and that look on their faces was... beautiful. Only with this laugh did any possible tension worn away, the generosity of it made it possible to knock on everyone's heart and enter without invitation, the sincerity of it made them smile, no matter how small it was. As he controlled his breaths, his gaze shifted to lock with hers. It felt as if he sensed her presence, without even knowing in advance where she exactly sit. And they kept holding each other's, time seemed to tick by and Lily was blessed with that momentarily lose of tracks, wipe of memory, of history and stared back. It was just too easy this way ..

And the moment ended, as Lily's eyes hardened at once, remembering who this was. This is James Potter and she'd most certainly _not _fall for that. She wasn't one of his bubble-head fan girls and he was not her prince charming. That was absolute, without a shadow of doubt. Forcing her gaze away, she took a deep breath and concentrated on her favourite blueberry tart.

* * *

"I don't get it, sir" said the shocked Lily to Dumbledore who sat behind his large brown desk.

"Well, you see, Miss Evans, it is an ancient rule that has been applied throughout the history of school. Actually, I'm quite impressed you have never heard of it." He added the last bit, leaning forward towards Lily, in a playful whisper.

Lily sat mortified, the ideas rushing into her mind to be processed and transferred into a formidable conclusion.

"Sir, I hope that," she cleared her throat, " you remember that the head boy is Potter. James Potter. The very James Potter who planned with the other three the gas prank in fifth year."

And a hell of a prank it was, the school building was literally evacuated until the professors detected the source and the nature of the gas which spread among the whole school and which had a particularly similar smell to a very well known toxic one.

"I am fully aware of that, Miss Evans. And I hope you trust me enough with my decision."

"Of course, Sir."

"Well, off you go then, I hope you enjoy the new dorms. They have a wonderful view of the lake!" said Dumbledore, "and I also hope you will use that situation into your advantage, to be more understanding of each other and cooperate effectively for our school's own good. Oh, Miss Evans, before you go. Just a quick reminder that no old school rules applied on your old dorms shall be broken " His eyes gleamed as he said the last sentence, nodding gracefully.

Lily blushed slightly as she understood what these words meant. After she closed the door, an involuntary laugh escaped her lips at the idea of her and Potter together, in any way. She made her way to her old dorms to pack her things when she accidently deliberately pumped into someone. As she backed away, her eyes scanned the boy with the messy hair.

"Lily Evans spacing out in the corridors, that's a first. Who were you thinking of?" James Potter asked, his usual smirk plastered on his face.

"Possibly anyone but you." She replied curtly, looking at him in the eyes, fighting this small knot in her stomach, the slight hitch in her heart beating...

"Well, it seems like you will be thinking of me a lot, lately. See you in our new dorms." He made a small salute gesture with his hand before shoving it in his pocket and strolling casually towards his destination. Lily stood were she was for about five seconds afterwards, feeling nothing, thinking of nothing before numbly turning her head to catch him with her eyes. His sleeves were rolled up to his elbow and she noticed how strongly his muscles contracted as he moved his arm, giving her a taste of what was hidden beneath.

She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it out of the strange thoughts which occupied that bloody head she had lately. She couldn't possibly be admiring James physically, could she? Even to the most innocent of girls and the purest-minded of them, James was a sight to behold_. Quidditch_ she sighed. As she entered her room, a loud banging noise welcomed her and without warning, Sally's jump sent them both whirling to the floor.

"I can't believe it! Oh my god ! You'll be moving in with one of HOTTEST boys in school." Sally squirted, bouncing up and down as Lily tried to stand up and contain the fist of laughter she was thrown into.

"I thought you had a crush on his best-friend." Smirked Lily, as Sally helped her up from the floor. Sally told Lily about every single crush she had, no matter how stupid and worthless and completely useless it was.

"I do." She shrugged. "But that doesn't cancel the fact they you will live with James Potter! If I had known that earlier, I guess I would have worked harder to be a head girl."

"Sally! Do you realize who we are talking about, here? It's James Potter! My ultimate enemy, my incessant pain in the neck, my never-ceasing agony! You were the only other member in my "Potter-hatters" club." That pout on Lily's face made Sally roll her eyes.

"That was because it was a secret club only for us both!" Said Sally, giving her the _are you dumb? _face.

"We hated him together." Pointed Lily out, as she comfortably stretched herself on the bed.

"That was in third grade. Look at him, Lils! he is not the same guy you knew, before."

"That's the Quidditch effect." She murmured feebly.

"I am not only talking about that. He's a totally different person. He is a charmer, a real-life prince, a-"

"Player, douche bag." Interrupted Lily with a controlled business-like face."Now, if you excuse me, I will go take a shower."

"You'll be sharing a bathroom with him!"

That stopped Lily in her track for a second before she determinedly raised her chin up high, opened the door and mouthed _Huh_ at Sally before going out.

As the hot water ran all over her body, Sally's remark of sharing a bathroom together passed her mind, again and again and again.

* * *

**So what do you think of it? Do the chapters need to be longer or shorter? Is the language a good one or sort of childish? Please tell me your honest opinion, I really want to make this a good one. **


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